you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
