it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
