Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
