My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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