Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
