phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
