wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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