I'm gonna have a badass scar
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
