I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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