All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
