I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
