That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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