His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
