the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
