After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
