Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
