Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
