Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
