i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
