When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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