You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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