Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
