Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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