I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i dont even know how to be here
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
