suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
