If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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