She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
