Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
