i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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