watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My penis needs a shock collar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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