But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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