Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
