all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
