haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
