and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
