Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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