i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
