you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
