he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
