soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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