I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
