He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
