some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
