i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
