I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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