Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
