Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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