so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
