So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My day in three words: secret purse cake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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