Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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