can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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