I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
