FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
