Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
